April 11-17, 2011

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April 11-17, 2011: Spent last week in Scranton/Dunmore, PA for Nana's funeral. This is the first grandparent I've lost in my adult years and it was far more painful than I had anticipated; having watched Nana lose her quality of life for the last 5 years and having watched her deteriorate into her 90's and basically live 'on-call', waiting for the phone call to let me know it was 'time'. Despite knowing it was coming, the reality of it all completely hit me more deeply than I had ever anticipated. The flooding of memories, the flooding of deep gratitude that she was not suffering anymore, the feeling of deep pain at not being able to see her for the rest of this life...

The morning she passed I was waiting for the shower to be free and randomly got out my ipod and clicked on the Mumford & Sons song "Sigh No More" (lyrics below) and I quickly put it on repeat and bawled my eyes out. I began praying for God to set her free to be the woman he created her to be, unbruised, allow her to sigh no more. After the 4th or 5th time listening to the song, we got the call that she had passed. In a matter of minutes that song became a huge blessing to me and will forever mean more to me than it ever has.

Nana, this is not the end. I'm so sorry you had to deal with Parkinsons and getting old. God knows you. We know you. We love you. We won't forget you and we look forward to being reunited with you in Heaven!

Mumford & Sons, Sigh No More

Serve God love me and mend
This is not the end
Lived unbruised we are friends
And I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea, one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me
And you know me

And man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing

Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be (x4)

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