DIY House Painting Part 1

Hey-oh! Our project this summer is painting our house. There's a reason painting companies charge so much. It's pretty much the pits.

Step 1: Remove all the extraneous hoopla attached to the house (i.e. unused satellite dish, weirdly placed railing on the front steps, broken and faded plastic shutters, ugly retractable shutters, etc.)

Brian found about 20 wasp nests behind these shutters. Yuck.

Step 2: Power-wash the detached garage. We decided to start with the detached garage because we know ourselves and we anticipate that if we start with the house, by the time we're done we won't want to do the garage. It's not the fun part, we don't us it much, and it isn't what is motivating us. Then the garage would sit, unpainted, for 3 years until we forget a little bit of how much it sucks to paint an exterior.

Let me tell you a little bit about this garage. It's really old, really creepy, and chock-full of spiders. I hate it and I only go in there if I have to. If Brian wanted to torture me, all he would have to do is lock me in the garage. I wouldn't even be able to break one of the windows to get out because they are covered in spider webs.

The outside of one of the walls has this faux stone that we wanted to remove. As Brian started tearing it off I saw the stuff of my nightmares. It was full of spider nests and long 'pede' insects (lots of legs, not sure if they were millipedes or centipedes- I didn't stay to find out). 

The faux stone is along the bottom.

Faux stone removed and creepy crawlies have been power washed away.

Do you see the window lined with spider webs? I know it's hard to see but I wasn't getting any closer.

Step 3: Clean up after power washing. Power washing is great but it didn't get everything. We also keep finding new things that we need to do like replace the ancient caulk around the door, windows, and roof. My job was to scrape off any remaining flaky paint on the concrete foundation and to clean the gateway to hell so Brian can caulk.

The gateway to hell has now been scrubbed.

The flaky paint has been scraped. This job doesn't sound hard but my back and arms are killing me. Oh, and see those scrape marks in the siding? I guess an old tenant got drunk and drove his car through here. Thanks, buddy!

I read in a Better Homes & Gardens magazine that the key to DIY projects is to enjoy the process. If you're only interested in the final outcome, it will seem like torture. Especially in this case because it's probably going to take us all summer to accomplish this. So I force a grin and tell myself, "This is so fun!" and then I hobble into bed and hope I'll be able to move in the morning.

I made Brian buy me the Lowe's apron because they always wore them on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and it makes me feel cool. Right now I'm like a 3rd grader with a wallet though. The only things I have in it are a pencil (that I haven't needed) and my ear plugs for when the power washer is on.

To be continued... 

P.S. I had to scrape flaky paint off of this side too, so I had to sit between the garage and the neighbor's fence. There were no more spiders thanks to the power washing but the house next door has been abandoned for 10 years and I kept seeing something moving out of the corner of my eye. This slightly deflated balloon was slowly following me as I made my way down the side of the house. All the situation needed was some creepy circus music. This is proving to be quite the adventure for me.

Brian said sometimes when he's back here, the creepy shed door creaks as it swings back and forth. Dun dun dunnnnn....