can't sleep.

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i slept in until 10:30 this morning, ate breakfast, and then fell back to sleep for another few hours. needless to say, i can't sleep.

brian and i went to another rockies game last night and watched as they sadly lost to the padres. on a side note, it struck me last night that the Padres basically translates to "the dads". it's kind of silly.

anywho, in traditional Rockies fashion they toyed with our hearts. it's the bottom of the 9th with a guy on first and second, then 4 balls walks the next batter. bases are loaded and Tulo's up to bat. our hearts get all fluttery with the hope of a grand slam because this is baseball and miracles do happen. and then 3 strikes and it's over, just like that. never have i felt such anti-climactic hope until i started to fall in love with baseball. BUT, once every blue moon the hope pays off and that miracle does happen and that's why i keep going and why i refuse to leave before the game is officially over.

if only i could cling that hard to the little miracles i've experienced in my life and let them carry me forward in hope. to be able to get that excited and fluttery over the things i wish to happen in my life. i've become so jaded and cynical over the years that i just assume nothing good will happen because, hey, if i don't hope for it then i can't be disappointed. but really, what's so bad about being disappointed? the Rockies have disappointed me more times than i can count yet i'm able to walk away and have hope for the next game. i don't give up on the Rockies so i shouldn't give up on my life; because that's just baseball and this is my existence.

who said you couldn't learn life-lessons from baseball?

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