This is 35.
Warning: I'm about to be dramatic.
35 apparently has it out for me and I feel like my health is deteriorating before my eyes. Right now I'm convinced I either have a brain tumor or early-onset Parkinson's disease (I have 3 doctor appointments in the next 5 days to see if they can confirm or deny). I've used more sick time than ever before in my life due to colds and/or viral infections about every other month since January, and to top it all off, Cotton fell off the stairs last night and is giving me the ol' "my disc is herniated, fix it mama" heart-wrenching stare. I feel defeated, frustrated, and scared. Is this my new normal?
This comic by KC Green is the best representation of my repeated self-talk this year:
Warning: I'm about to get pseudo-psychological.
I fully realize things could be WAY worse but every time your expectations in life aren't met, I believe there's some mourning that needs to take place, no matter how small the expectation, so you can get to acceptance. Acceptance of disappointment is vitally important, at least for me. I spent most of my early years trying to avoid disappointment no matter the cost, which usually meant I refused to hope for anything. I used to consistently associate hope with disappointment and pain and a feeling of chaos. So, this dramatic blog post is just me venting so I can process all of this disappointment, accept it, and move on with my life.
And scene.
35 apparently has it out for me and I feel like my health is deteriorating before my eyes. Right now I'm convinced I either have a brain tumor or early-onset Parkinson's disease (I have 3 doctor appointments in the next 5 days to see if they can confirm or deny). I've used more sick time than ever before in my life due to colds and/or viral infections about every other month since January, and to top it all off, Cotton fell off the stairs last night and is giving me the ol' "my disc is herniated, fix it mama" heart-wrenching stare. I feel defeated, frustrated, and scared. Is this my new normal?
This comic by KC Green is the best representation of my repeated self-talk this year:
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| http://gunshowcomic.com/648 |
Warning: I'm about to get pseudo-psychological.
I fully realize things could be WAY worse but every time your expectations in life aren't met, I believe there's some mourning that needs to take place, no matter how small the expectation, so you can get to acceptance. Acceptance of disappointment is vitally important, at least for me. I spent most of my early years trying to avoid disappointment no matter the cost, which usually meant I refused to hope for anything. I used to consistently associate hope with disappointment and pain and a feeling of chaos. So, this dramatic blog post is just me venting so I can process all of this disappointment, accept it, and move on with my life.
And scene.
Cheering you on from Spokane! Venting is very necessary. Hope you get some solid answers from doctors and that it's all manageable.
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