The Inner Fears of an Introvert.

-


Brian left this a.m. to head to Vegas for business & for some reason I'm feeling rather lost without him this time. I decided I've been going, going, going and I deserved a day of nothing. I stayed in my pajamas, made some toast and cruised through my netflix to see what was available. I decided to watch the original "Gray Gardens" documentary. While fascinating, I suddenly felt like if I didn't get off the couch and go do something I would end up my very own blend of Gray Garden lunatic.

Newsflash: I'm an introvert. I know, I know, I just blew your mind a little. I tend to get a little depressed if I don't have time to myself but if I'm not careful, I get sucked into this black hole of nothingness and I suddenly become all too comfortable being by myself and lose my desire to interact with others. Actually, the better way to phrase it is: I become terrified of other people. I've spent a lot of energy and have forked over enough money in counseling to fund a small scholarship in order to overcome many of my fears... so it seems I walk a fine line every day as I attempt to find the balance of nurturing the needs of my soul but not falling back into the abyss of fear and loneliness. How sad is it that I can all-too-easily see myself becoming one of those women in that movie? Finding no need to ever leave my house, talking to my 8 cats, having my groceries delivered, and heading up to the attic occasionally to feed the live-in raccoons a bag of wonderbread and cat chow...~shiver~

So, I got dressed today and went out into the world instead of staying inside with my cats all day and I'm claiming it was necessary therapy as opposed to me just finding excuses to avoid my chores. Sounds reasonable, right?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Jaime Needs...

-
so i heard about this thing going around the blog world where you go to 'google' and type in your name followed by the word 'needs', example: "Jaime Needs" and see what comes up...i decided i wanted to join the bandwagon because, well, it made me chuckle...plus, it's nice to know what all the other Jaime's of the world need; or at least what their friends writing about them think they need. now, without further adieu, here is my list (i especially like #6): 1. Jaime needs the swim of her life 2. Jaime needs to grow up and stop making those horrible faces 3. Jaime needs someone to talk to 4. Jaime needs a witness who saw the large UFO over Mexico City 5. Jaime needs some ice cream 6. Jaime needs your help growing all season long 7. Jaime needs a safe play area 8. Jaime needs to uncover the truth about Helena's death 9. Jaime needs a break 10. Jaime needs a blog 11. Jaime needs both her father and her grandfather
Read more

Dude, 2022 was Intense

-
Image
I can’t believe it’s already May. Pretend it's still January and I'm on top of things. 😬 Every January I do a reflection post on the previous year, but this time around I just couldn’t fathom wrapping 2022 up in a succinct little package of ‘here is what I learned and how I grew’. Instead, I felt more inclined to map out the timeline of our second adoption and how I learned and grew throughout that process. So, this is the story about our big life event that occurred early spring 2022, when we met Bennet. It’s going to be long because I want to preserve the details for myself, before my mom-brain confiscates them and hides them in some back-brain drawer that I’ll never find again, the same place it stored my ability to remember what I did or said 14 minutes ago. Here’s the TLDR (“Too Long Didn’t Read”) synopsis for those who don’t care about details: after 1 year and 3 months of process, we were chosen to parent a second child in March 2022… and then things went sideways for a
Read more

February 16, 2011

-
Image
February 16, 2011: I call this one "Life is not fair". I have been summonsed twice since living in Westminster so when I saw this in the mailbox my heart sunk...until I saw BRIAN'S name on it! Yay! When he came home I was all giddy when I showed it to him and said, "It's about time!" Turns out his court date is March 28th and we'll be in Vegas for my 30th birthday. How does he always get off so easy?! Life is not fair in this house. Humph.
Read more