Number 2, Where Are You?
It’s been a while! I have attempted to write on multiple occasions this year, but never really got anywhere coherent. 2020 has thrown us for a loop just like it has everyone else and I haven’t felt like I have anything truly note-worthy to share. We are simultaneously ready for the pandemic to stop ruling every aspect of our lives, while also feeling grateful for some of the things that have resulted (working from home/being with Adley) and the lessons of which it has reminded us (love your neighbor as you love yourself).
I decided to write an update on our family now because we’re at a fork in the road and I’m humbly soliciting your prayers.
After a lot of prayer and consideration, in October 2019 we submitted our application for a second adoption. We began working through the required paperwork, but that got significantly derailed with the pandemic and us trying to adjust to working from home with a toddler. We finally submitted our last required document exactly a year later, and were told we were 4th on the waitlist to even get a home study to be approved.
They’ve had to significantly reduce the cap for their waiting families pool due to a lack of family matches in the last couple years (in other words, they don’t have as many expectant mothers coming to them to find adoptive homes for their babies) and they estimate our wait time to be around 3-4 years (our last wait with this agency ended up being 8 months). This was disappointing to hear, and requires me to adjust my expectations. It’s my opinion that it’s helpful for siblings to be somewhat close in age for better bonding, I’m also about to turn 40 in the spring and didn’t envision parenting a newborn that far into my 40’s. (I'm tired, folks)
Our agency said we could switch to using an adoption consultant, which would open us up to be considered by expectant mothers from multiple agencies and could notably cut down on the wait time, but it would also significantly increase the cost and we’d most likely be placed out of state which comes with its own complexities that I won’t go into here. To many, it might sound like a no-brainer but it doesn’t feel that way for us.
I suddenly went from feeling confident in the process, having already gone through it before, to feeling right back at square one, not knowing what to expect and feeling very out of my element. I know God’s timing is perfect and we can’t thwart His plan, but I feel a lot of pressure that we need to decide whether or not to stick with our agency and hope for the best, or switch to a consultant, which is a foreign process for us and feels rather intimidating.
Every time I think I have landed on a direction, something happens to make me question it. We were all set to stick it out with our agency, but then I made a friend through our adoption training who switched to a consultant and matched within months. I very rarely make friends at trainings so I wondered if God was using that unexpected connection to help guide us to a consultant. I started leaning more toward switching to a consultant, but then we received an email from our agency letting us know we moved up a spot and were now #3 on the waitlist. That made me wonder if God was hinting to stick it out with the agency. I just need to know which road leads to our next child and I hate that no one can clearly tell me that!
I was so awed as God revealed Adley to us my heart exclaimed, “I’LL NEVER DOUBT YOU AGAIN!” but now I don’t feel all that much different than the first go around. It feels like we’ve hit speed bump after speed bump and I sometimes question if a second adoption is even in the cards for us at all.
I appreciate your listening ear and any prayers you can say on our behalf. We consistently have a nagging feeling that our home is not yet full, and we pray for discernment as we consider the options before us.
In other news, I 10/10 recommend the toddler stage (although I could do without the recent tantrums... except that I know they’re ultimately helping her develop into a functioning human being so I’ll allow it). She has completely changed into a little person this year and she keeps us laughing. I’ll leave you with a little anecdote:
She is obsessed with the Moana soundtrack and, good grief does that ish get stuck in our heads. We have an Apple speaker and we asked Siri to play Christmas music the other night at dinner; Adley objected and said she wanted to listen to Moana (for the second time that day). Brian and I gave each other a secret look of dread and he calmly told her, “Mama gets to pick the music for breakfast, Adley gets to pick the music for lunch, and Papa gets to pick the music for dinner”. She paused to process that for a minute and then triumphantly said, “Hey Siri, play LUNCH music!”
With that, I hope you are safe and well and that you have a lovely, albeit unique, holiday season. I’ll see you in 2021, but just a friendly reminder that January 1, 2021 is not a magical day when all the troubles of 2020 will disappear- so remember to take deep breaths*!
*preferably not around unmasked people outside of your household, you know the drill
Our agency said we could switch to using an adoption consultant, which would open us up to be considered by expectant mothers from multiple agencies and could notably cut down on the wait time, but it would also significantly increase the cost and we’d most likely be placed out of state which comes with its own complexities that I won’t go into here. To many, it might sound like a no-brainer but it doesn’t feel that way for us.
I suddenly went from feeling confident in the process, having already gone through it before, to feeling right back at square one, not knowing what to expect and feeling very out of my element. I know God’s timing is perfect and we can’t thwart His plan, but I feel a lot of pressure that we need to decide whether or not to stick with our agency and hope for the best, or switch to a consultant, which is a foreign process for us and feels rather intimidating.
Every time I think I have landed on a direction, something happens to make me question it. We were all set to stick it out with our agency, but then I made a friend through our adoption training who switched to a consultant and matched within months. I very rarely make friends at trainings so I wondered if God was using that unexpected connection to help guide us to a consultant. I started leaning more toward switching to a consultant, but then we received an email from our agency letting us know we moved up a spot and were now #3 on the waitlist. That made me wonder if God was hinting to stick it out with the agency. I just need to know which road leads to our next child and I hate that no one can clearly tell me that!
I was so awed as God revealed Adley to us my heart exclaimed, “I’LL NEVER DOUBT YOU AGAIN!” but now I don’t feel all that much different than the first go around. It feels like we’ve hit speed bump after speed bump and I sometimes question if a second adoption is even in the cards for us at all.
I appreciate your listening ear and any prayers you can say on our behalf. We consistently have a nagging feeling that our home is not yet full, and we pray for discernment as we consider the options before us.
In other news, I 10/10 recommend the toddler stage (although I could do without the recent tantrums... except that I know they’re ultimately helping her develop into a functioning human being so I’ll allow it). She has completely changed into a little person this year and she keeps us laughing. I’ll leave you with a little anecdote:
She is obsessed with the Moana soundtrack and, good grief does that ish get stuck in our heads. We have an Apple speaker and we asked Siri to play Christmas music the other night at dinner; Adley objected and said she wanted to listen to Moana (for the second time that day). Brian and I gave each other a secret look of dread and he calmly told her, “Mama gets to pick the music for breakfast, Adley gets to pick the music for lunch, and Papa gets to pick the music for dinner”. She paused to process that for a minute and then triumphantly said, “Hey Siri, play LUNCH music!”
With that, I hope you are safe and well and that you have a lovely, albeit unique, holiday season. I’ll see you in 2021, but just a friendly reminder that January 1, 2021 is not a magical day when all the troubles of 2020 will disappear- so remember to take deep breaths*!
*preferably not around unmasked people outside of your household, you know the drill
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