A Day for Mothers

As a holiday, Mother’s Day sounds so simple. No one would be here without a mother, so let’s all take a minute to honor them, right? Except it’s not at all that simple. I wish it didn’t have to be such a sensitive and loaded day for so many and I hate that mothers often feel like they have to down-play the day because of all the brokenness that surrounds other women in the world. Obviously Mother’s Day was a bit of a dreaded holiday for me for many, many years. While I loved having a day to celebrate my own mother, it was a big reminder that I was not one and that I had no control over that status. I know I’m not unique and you’ve likely heard similar words every year around mid-May; all that to say, yesterday was my very first Mother’s Day as a mom. I felt relief, I felt joy, I felt special (thanks to my husband’s herculean efforts), but mostly I felt a great wave of gratitude and love for my daughter.

It was one of those really good weekends that had a perfect balance of self-care, productivity, and family time (plus great weather). I love weekends like that, it almost feels like time slows down a bit and I can take many moments to drink in my life. I got to snuggle with Adley for her afternoon nap yesterday and I 100% had intentions to sleep along with her, but instead I found myself just studying her little body draped over mine and I was moved to tears. How is this my life?! How did I get to be so freaking fortunate?

As someone who processes things through writing, I so badly want to put the right words to how I feel but I’m starting to think it’s an impossible task. I’m a mom and that is only a true statement because God knit my family together with another family, and a brave woman chose me to raise her child based on a book of pictures and words and a whole lot of prayer. I know we use the term “mind blown” all too often these days, but if there’s any scenario where it truly fits, it is adoption. People keep telling me I’m deserving of this motherhood, but I don’t know about that. Did I do a mountain of paperwork and wait a long time? Sure. But was I selfish and bitter and angry during that time? Affirmative. At its core my motherhood is a genuine gift from God and Adley’s birthmother that I don’t necessarily deserve, but will gladly and resoundingly accept & cherish.

But enough about me. Let me take a minute to talk about my mom. Not only did she raise me with selflessness, kindness, and consistent love & support but she’s now giving up her life to help me. When she heard we could not find childcare in our area she dropped everything, packed her bags and moved into our basement, where she has been for the past 6 months with no end in sight.  She’s away from my dad in a town where she only knows us; she’s living like a college student in a dorm and she’s only been home twice. There are some days I feel so guilty I feel compelled to quit my job so she can have her life back (have I ever mentioned how much I hate needing and inconveniencing people?) but mostly I’m so grateful to her for the sacrifice and I feel so excited knowing that Adley is such great hands all day, building a strong relationship with her Mimi.

Enter stage left: my mother-in-law. When she heard what my mom was doing she made it her personal mission to help her get as many breaks as possible. You might ask: Doesn’t she live in Washington? Pish-posh. She cleared her schedule for two weeks in May to give my mom a long break, and she didn’t stop there. She then rallied Brian’s aunt and cousin to come for a week in August and then proceeded to clear her schedule for the remaining 3 weeks, piggy-backing on their departure and giving my mom a full month off. I really just can’t even with these women. Mothers are amazing, selfless creatures and I’ll never ever really be able to repay them, which can be an uncomfortable place for me to live. I’m constantly working on accepting gifts without always recompensing those gifts in kind. I’m so in awe of these women and so determined to pay them back by paying it forward to my children.

My husband thoughtfully prepared a tasty lunch for my mom and me on our back patio, and thus was born this happy photo. I may not be able to pass down my family’s genetics but I am honored and excited to pass down everything I’ve learned from my mom, who learned from her mom, who learned from her mom…going back generations upon generations. I’m happy to initiate Adley into that legacy and we're nothing short of privileged to be a part of a biographical line of women that we want to emulate.

Happy Mother’s Day, and many prayers for those who can’t hear or wish that with joy.