Here's the Honest Truth
I have a history of flip-flopping. Or maybe it's just that I'm an emotional person and I am very in-tune with my emotions/thoughts/feelings. I blame all those years of journaling. I don't know, but whatever it is, it's rearing its ugly head right now.
I am in freak-out mode about our move. I feel really sad to leave and wonder if we're doing the right thing (not that we can change it at this point). I'm on the verge of tears at all times and I'm starting to over-analyze and think that God is just giving us what we asked for to prove a point. "Be careful what you wish for- you should have been content with what you had".
I'm not 100% concerned by this change of heart and here's why: when I begged to quit swim lessons and then my mom said I could, I kind of wished I hadn't gotten my way. When I played bassoon that one year in high school and hated every second of and couldn't wait to quit- the year finally ended and I didn't have to play it anymore and I suddenly missed it.
When my parents dropped me off at college, I said, "I don't want to stay here".
My mom said, "OK, you can come home with us and get a job".
I immediately replied, "No, I'll stay."
See what I mean? I don't know what I want- or maybe it's that I do know but that what I want always terrifies me because it pushes me too far out of my comfort zone. Every good and life-changingly amazing thing I've ever done in my life was incredibly hard for me and I had to go through a mental kick and scream phase at the beginning of each one. I know moving to Glenwood can't magically be rainbows and bunnies the instant I get there. The reality of it is that we are strangers in a strange land and it takes time for that to change.
The thing I'm most frustrated about is how emotional I am. I've moved a handful of times in my life and have changed jobs before but never have I seemed to care this much. You sneaky people, you. You somehow, somewhere burrowed into my heart and made me deeply care about you. This story took off with so much inertia that I didn't have time to stop and think about the details and now that I'm living those details, I'm realizing this is going to take a lot more faith than I had originally thought. ~sigh~ Deeeeeep yoga breaths.
I am in freak-out mode about our move. I feel really sad to leave and wonder if we're doing the right thing (not that we can change it at this point). I'm on the verge of tears at all times and I'm starting to over-analyze and think that God is just giving us what we asked for to prove a point. "Be careful what you wish for- you should have been content with what you had".
I'm not 100% concerned by this change of heart and here's why: when I begged to quit swim lessons and then my mom said I could, I kind of wished I hadn't gotten my way. When I played bassoon that one year in high school and hated every second of and couldn't wait to quit- the year finally ended and I didn't have to play it anymore and I suddenly missed it.
When my parents dropped me off at college, I said, "I don't want to stay here".
My mom said, "OK, you can come home with us and get a job".
I immediately replied, "No, I'll stay."
See what I mean? I don't know what I want- or maybe it's that I do know but that what I want always terrifies me because it pushes me too far out of my comfort zone. Every good and life-changingly amazing thing I've ever done in my life was incredibly hard for me and I had to go through a mental kick and scream phase at the beginning of each one. I know moving to Glenwood can't magically be rainbows and bunnies the instant I get there. The reality of it is that we are strangers in a strange land and it takes time for that to change.
The thing I'm most frustrated about is how emotional I am. I've moved a handful of times in my life and have changed jobs before but never have I seemed to care this much. You sneaky people, you. You somehow, somewhere burrowed into my heart and made me deeply care about you. This story took off with so much inertia that I didn't have time to stop and think about the details and now that I'm living those details, I'm realizing this is going to take a lot more faith than I had originally thought. ~sigh~ Deeeeeep yoga breaths.
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