is this thing on?

I don’t really have my thoughts collected, but I’m a sucker for tradition and I can’t not  write something at the new year. My focus for 2019 was to be present with Adley and I think I did a pretty good job. I learned that being a full-time working mom is seriously no joke. It’s still way too depressing to think about how few hours I see her during the week, so I’ve made it a point to make those few hours count each day. One of the biggest things I did was have Brian flag me as a high-schooler on our modem and assign "homework hours", which means I am cut off from social media at 5pm every week night. That really helped reduce the amount of distractions and made it easier for me to be more present for those 2-3 hours before Adley went to bed each night. I also got increasingly agitated about chores. I did not want to spend my precious time off work doing chores when I could be spending time with Adley. Brian and I decided that as two gainfully-employed adults we could e...

Before I get started, I’ll address the gorilla in the room: I have not been blogging. Kids really are vacuum cleaners of your life (in the best way)... If only I could also get her to vacuum the house, as I am apparently incapable of completing that task these days. The first big update is that Adley turned 1 at the end of August! I decided not to do a big shindig and just had a few family members attend. We ordered pizza for lunch while Brian crafted a delightful smoked chicken for dinner. I made a little smash cake with blueberry whipped cream for Adley (she did smash it, she did not really eat it) and we enjoyed a leisurely day of celebrating Adley’s presence in our lives. She thoroughly enjoyed all the attention on her day, was smiley and sweet, and enjoyed opening and playing with her new toys. It was a delightful day and one of which I will cherish the memory.  She’s now a solid month into her 2nd year of life and I have to say that things are becomin...

As a holiday, Mother’s Day sounds so simple. No one would be here without a mother, so let’s all take a minute to honor them, right? Except it’s not at all that simple. I wish it didn’t have to be such a sensitive and loaded day for so many and I hate that mothers often feel like they have to down-play the day because of all the brokenness that surrounds other women in the world. Obviously Mother’s Day was a bit of a dreaded holiday for me for many, many years. While I loved having a day to celebrate my own mother, it was a big reminder that I was not one and that I had no control over that status. I know I’m not unique and you’ve likely heard similar words every year around mid-May; all that to say, yesterday was my very first Mother’s Day as a mom. I felt relief, I felt joy, I felt special (thanks to my husband’s herculean efforts), but mostly I felt a great wave of gratitude and love for my daughter. It was one of those really good weekends that had a perfect balance of se...

I wrote the words below last year for National Infertility Awareness Week but then chickened out and never posted it. I just stumbled across it and decided I wanted to publish, even though I'm on the 'other side' and am now a parent. Reading it now makes me so grateful and relieved to know the parts of our story that were unknown to me for so many years. Infertility doesn't go away, but the emptiness has become eclipsed by the joys of parenting and it no longer consumes my emotions and thoughts. Glory be. _______________________________________________________ ( written 4/23/2018) It's National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) and I've been reading story after story of other's experiences with infertility and it has made me reflect more on my own story. The stories I'm reading are from women who have found their children via treatments or adoption, and they are sharing their story now that they know how it 'ends'. My story with infertility ...

Warning This post is long so get comfortable (or go ahead and leave, I won’t be mad). I mentioned in my previous post that our lives took a drastic turn when we became parents. It all happened in August 2018 and this is my version of that story. Thwarted Plans In my last post I said that we spent our spring and summer training for a 5-day backpacking trip in Washington that was planned for Labor Day weekend. You may have noticed there was no update and no pictures from that trip. In August, fires were wreaking havoc on Washington so I kept checking the trail conditions for our trail only to open the website one day and see a giant notice that the whole thing was closed due to the fires. I continued to monitor in the hopes that they could get the fire contained, but a week before we were supposed to leave I decided to call the USFS in WA and ask what they thought our chances were for doing the hike. He simply said, “not good, don’t come”. We quickly contacted my brother-in-law,...

Long time, no write! If you follow me on social media you know that our lives have drastically taken a turn so I do have a decent excuse for not writing much last year. I promise I will go into more detail about it later but it will likely be a long-winded post and I need to find the time to sit down and get the words out. In the meantime, it appears the last time I wrote it was March...*gasp* it’s worse than I thought... I successfully turned 37 and the sky didn’t fall (go figure). The spring and summer were easy, breezy, and beautiful, aside from all the forest fires. We took it easy with no big trips but we did some camping and hiking and trained for our 5-day backpacking trip in the Cascades with my brother-in-law that was planned for Labor Day weekend. Here are some pics for those who prefer visuals: Savage Lakes Savage Lakes Kayaking Chapman Lake That sun on my arm makes it look really defined. Me likey.  Thomas Lakes- I'm picking up a lake theme... ...

Tomorrow is my birthday and I’m turning 37. I’ve always had a fragile relationship with my 30’s but it has definitely improved the further I’ve gotten into it. I’ve learned my 30’s are refreshing because I feel more grounded and more comfortable with who I am. I’m less apologetic and also more empathetic toward others. I’m established and growing roots and most days I find myself feeling so freaking happy in my life. That is a very, very good place to be. However, I’m struggling with the idea of now entering my “late 30’s”. I don’t know why this is a recurring theme for me; I remember having these same panicked thoughts about turning 27. If I had to guess the reason I would say it’s our lack of children and that birthdays are a reminder how far away we keep getting from the plan in this area. I always expected to be a mom by at least the age of 28. Deep down I continuously find myself white-knuckling that plan and I can’t seem to come to terms with the fact that it has long flown o...